Question: You talk in the book about how important it is for managers to be aware of their impact on employees. But how do you get reliable information about your impact, especially the negative aspects? From whom should you get it, and how much can you trust it?

Answer: A former mayor of New York City used to walk the streets and call out, “How am I doing?!” to passersby, shopkeepers, and residents looking out from their apartment windows. He’d get some thumbs up and some thumbs down but almost always a smile. His theatrical directness was endearing.

It seems when the mayor wanted to know about his impact, he’d just hit the streets and ask. Sounds like a reasonable enough strategy. At least in politics. But between a boss and a subordinate, it’s unrealistic to expect straight talk. Bosses wield authority and power. And let’s face it: honesty isn’t always the best policy when speaking to power.

Employees tend to keep negative impressions to themselves. Annoyances, anxieties, and disappointments usually remain unspoken or get expressed in the most indirect, disguised ways. It’s safer that way… no risk of offending or antagonizing the boss; no risk of retaliation. In an organizational setting, explicit, upward feedback is inhibited by the danger of retribution.

Even when a manager invites a critique, it’s the rare employee who comes right out and says,  “Your inability to make a decision and stick to it has our entire team paralyzed and on edge.” or “Your condescending attitude is intimidating and infuriating. It has all of us looking for another job.” or “Your endless speeches in our meetings are like chloroform.”

This is exactly why anonymous “feedback instruments” are overused. They implicitly warrant that employees will be protected from management reprisals because their identities remain unknown. Unfortunately, the candor that might be encouraged by anonymity is more than offset by: (1) the hopelessly general questions in an all-purpose feedback survey, (2) the non-specific answers that employees give (especially when they have something uncomplimentary to say), and (3) the understandable tendency of managers to spend more time guessing who wrote what than benefitting from the assessment.

The truth is, employees “speak” to you about your impact, not so much in words as in codes: They make oblique references to your flaws, they reflect your imperfections in their facial expressions, body postures, gestures, actions, and reactions. This is just the way it is when managerial authority is part of the equation. And yet it turns out that foraging for information about your impact isn’t the hard part. It’s being attentive and receptive to the wealth of information that’s already available.

So if you really want to know how you’re doing, ask less and observe more. Open your eyes as much as your mouth and ears. Notice the subtle, fugitive, nonverbal signs of confusion or misunderstanding, of irritation or avoidance, of insecurity, discomfort, or boredom. These are the most reliable indicators of your impact on your management relationships. And they’re often right before your eyes.

A violinist can’t make music without first tuning her strings. A golfer can’t sink a putt without first setting his hands in a proper grip. An actor can’t captivate her audience without learning her lines. And a manager can’t inspire his staff to deliver and innovate to their potential without cultivating a professional relationship.

If you’re in a management role – whether out of desire or duty or fate – you’ll be more successful if you understand that management relationships are at the core of your work. No amount of inspired business savvy, motivational energy, administrative skill, marketing expertise, or technological genius will compensate for an unhealthy relationship. None of these talents will bear the best possible fruit unless your management relationship is well watered.

Several years ago, I was helping a community fire department establish salary parity across its neighboring fire houses. In the course of that work, I had the opportunity to watch the progression of a young officer to the senior ranks. Fire services are paramilitary organizations; their promotional procedures are rigorous. This young officer had applied to fill an open position for lieutenant. He and the other candidates took the various tests and underwent a grueling trial of assessment exercises and individual and panel interviews. At the end of the six-week process, during the weekly station meeting, it was announced that he had been awarded the promotion. Hearty and heartfelt pats on the back followed from co-workers, superiors, and even fellow applicants.

The next morning I was back at the station for the final meeting of my consulting engagement. I took a prolonged lap around the garage, walking among the fire trucks. On many previous visits I would seek out the firefighters, emergency medical technicians, and vehicle maintenance mechanics, barraging them with questions about their assignments and their vehicles, indulging my childhood fascination with the life of a fireman. But what caught my attention on this last morning was the newly appointed lieutenant. He was busily sweeping the floors. I remember distinctly that the announcement the day before made his promotion effective immediately. Yet he was sweeping.

After my meeting I sought the lieutenant out. He was in his new office reviewing paperwork. I asked him how it felt to be the lieutenant. He told me he was excited, honored by the opportunity, and eager to meet the challenge. He was quick to add that he still had much to learn.

I mentioned I’d seen him sweeping earlier and wondered if that was part of a lieutenant’s job description. He chuckled, “Duty rosters are for a week. I began the week with the assignment, and there’s no excuse not to finish it. I also want these guys to see that nothing I ever ask of them is beneath me.” After a pause he added, “You know they’re watching me now.” I nodded.

He wasn’t finishing his week’s assignment out of duty alone. He was sweeping for all to see. He was creating the foundations of his management relationships. Not with promises or policies, but with a symbolic gesture in the invisible spotlight.

This blog was adapted from the new book, The Invisible Spotlight: Why Managers Can’t Hide by Craig Wasserman and Doug Katz. The authors have been consulting to managers and organizations for 35 years. The book is available on amazon.com.  Learn more about Wasserman and Katz at the invisible spotlight.com.

So many managers make the unconscious assumption that “how they are as people” is how they can and should be as managers. Without giving it much thought, they figure that developing professional relationships with employees takes no more forethought and practice than having dinner with friends on a Saturday night.

It’s the “Just Be Yourself” theory. And it’s an example of when self-acceptance can be self-defeating.

Managers spend their days in an invisible spotlight. They are being watched by their employees… being talked about. Their actions exert an enormous influence on the performance and spirit of their staff. To be capable and credible, every manager has to consciously hone the assets that strengthen his impact and find a place to shelve the liabilities that do damage.

It takes a little more than “just being yourself.”

We’ve all known managers who are “naturally” overbearing; glib; emotionally volatile; tightly wound; scattered; over-intellectual; perfectionistic; intolerant of criticism; or fearful of hurting anyone’s feelings. The litany of instinctive but destructive qualities that managers inflict on employees is endless. What’s stunning is how unaware most managers are of their impact in the invisible spotlight. And when this impact is brought to their attention by a boss, a colleague, an employee or a consultant, so many say, “Oh yeah. I’ve been hearing that all my life. That’s just the way I am.”

These are managers who don’t make the connection between their unmeasured, instinctive tendencies and the frustrations they experience in getting the most out of their employees.

They don’t realize that managing is hard work. It requires many organizational skills and many relationship skills. Why would anyone expect to have these skills in their arsenal “naturally”? Why would anyone not expect to have to develop them?

If you’re self-observant and willing to learn, over time you’ll forge far more productive relationships with your employees – relationships in which unspoken anxieties, annoyances, expectations, and disappointments are kept to a minimum. But getting there involves unnatural, uncomfortable behavior which won’t feel like “the real you.” This is because the job of managing takes more than self-acceptance. It takes practice, self-reflection, and discipline.

This blog was adapted from our new book, The Invisible Spotlight: Why Managers Can’t Hide. The book is available on amazon.com.  Learn more about Wasserman and Katz at the invisible spotlight.com.